Poems about me

Over the last few days people decided to honour me with poems about, well, me! The first was from a Miss Alice Bond and goes like this:

There once was a legend called Cai
When the girls saw him they wanted to die
His pants held a wonder
That rumbles like thunder
And his face was a pretty as pie.

Apparently this is all properly cited with peer-reviewed papers so who am I to argue?! The second submission for what I now think I should open as the "Ode to Cai" competition came from a young Mr Nicholas Lincoln and reads thus:

Our young Ian seems to think
Socials mean drink-drink-drink
He starts with lager, stout and beer
Then starts to call random people queer

Wine is next on his list
Our young Ian is getting really pissed
Red wine, white wine
Their wine, my wine
He just keeps on drinking all the time

The minesweeping king, he dons his hat
Enters the dance floor and dances like a twat
He nearly forgot the whiskey, but thats OK
Back to the bar-thats where he will stay

Whiskey and vodka, doubles galore
He only stops when he passes out on the floor.

Truly beautiful Nick...thank you I shall write some music and sing it in honour of Old Ian, because as we all know New Ian doesn't drink. Much.