Bangkok

So we're finally here in Bangkok, Thailand and loving every minute! Mum you can stop fretting now as we are entirely safe, though the Tuk-tuk drivers may get us yet!

So - what have we done?! Getting to the airport only about 30 minutes late I quickly ran downstairs trying to find the train to Terminal 4. I was about to step onto the one to central London when luckily Martin saw me from the other platform and hollered at me. Following this we learned that reaching the check-in floor and not following the instructions on the monitors results in using the wrong bag check-in desk...and the only one with a queue! Next we learned that reading more traditional signs is also conducive to successful travelling after wandering to a dead-end of the terminal where our gate was not located, at which point we laughed far too much to avoid drawing attention and had to walk right back the way we came. A promising start to our travels!

British Airways rocks - they give free alcohol!! So after a good few drinks and an awesome big meal we got ourselves off to sleep for almost the entire flight, and I don't sleep on flights. They also gave us a complimentary toothbrush which looked rather like something else...immature joke though and so we tried to be quiet before too many people looked haha!

In the Thai immigration queue Martin and I got chatted to by some random 60 year old man out to meet his 40 year old Thai girlfriend. Mail order? Being a rather keen sports fisherman he spent nearly two hours talking to us solely about fishing tales. Before then I'd never have believed that the same irksome story could be told so many different ways.

Finally we reached the hotel after a little trip on a local bus, found the girls and headed out to Koh Sahn Road for dinner. After our first sampling of the local delicasies we finally gave in to the men pleading us to let them take us to a Ping Pong Show. To get there and back we'd hired ourselves used possibly the quickest, scariest Tuk-Tuk driver in the whole of Bangkok. He knew how to wheelie with 5 of us in the back. Now that is impressive...if a little scary. Oh and he took the outside line of cars around bends and cut infront if they took the corner too slow for his liking! Surely the safest means of transport known to Thais.

*******VID OF US IN BACK OF TUKTUK*******

Ping pong here is a little different - a sport played with ping-pong balls and women's lower naughty bits. Tasteful. So our first night of the travels and the five of us are having a get-to-know you session over a beer and a spot of Pussy lympics...priceless. Martin was lucky enough to have a good luck note written for him in their special way, which was torn-up by an angry "pussy artist" (I suppose that's the correct title) after he refused to pay for it! The rest of the night was whiled away watching these women perform their amazing feats such as pulling out razorblades to make a Christmas Tree, pulling out string, blowing candles out, ejecting darts to burst balloons, making bananas jump and changing the colour of a drink. The last was by far the most terrifying.

Next morning we went out and got ourselves a cheap tour of some Buddhas, got ourselves measured for some suits and got our tour booked for Chiang Mai. It seemed like a very fruitful day, until later when everything that had happened started to slot into place. Although we had got ourselves some suits for a nice reasonable price it seems we were had by a bunch of con-artists working together around all the little sights in Bangkok to get as much cash out of us as was feasibly possible! We weren't quite that stupid but they certainly had a good go!

We arrived near to the Grand Temple at about 4pm to be told by a man with an umbrella who was alledgedly going to become a monk that it had already closed at 3.30pm. (According to the guidebook though this is actually the case.) After asking Martin and I if we were monks too (well we had shaved heads!) he began on hatching the first stage of his little money-making scheme.

He asked us if we had a map and then, very lucky as we were being that day, he got out a marker pen to start drawing some exciting places to visit on the map in replacement of the temple: the Sitting Buddha; the Standing Buddha; the Reclining Buddha. Then, just in case we were interested he mentioned that there was a market place where we might want to go to purchase some suits whilst we were here! Anyway - he then told us that we should only ever get in the blue and white tuk tuks with the white number plates. At that moment, miraculously, two turned up. He'd also told us we shouldn't pay more than 60 Baht for the trip, at least for one tuk tuk. With five of us however, taking two tuk tuks was going to be the more comfortable option, for which we expected to pay some extra. Apparently this wasn't necessary though - the second Tuk-tuk driver was very keen to take us. We really should have started getting a bit more wary by this point.

Off we shot to the first temple complete with sitting Buddha. However after finishing meandering around the temple we were missing a tuk tuk driver who was allegedly eating. Our second tuk tuk driver went to find him, leaving us in conveniently reparked tuk tuks right next to Mr Random Stranger who was about to play the second part of the con.

After the usual small-talk (how's our trip going, where are we from, how long have we been here) he asked us where we were off to next. We showed him the map and then he asked who pointed out the marketplace. He then started telling us about how great a place it was, and how it is only usually open for business purchases, not for the general public, but the government was currently trying to promote Bangkok as a fashion centre so these outlets had been allowed to open to the general public for one week every year and this was it. (Again we should have probably twigged this one at Bangkok being promoted as a fashion centre!) He went on to show us his battered membership card and tell us that between his family they had just bought 6 suits from there as they were currently doing a buy 2 get one free offer. Unaware of the number of coincidences it had taken to get us this far and not thinking about why our tuk tuk driver was taking such a long break, we thought we'd go and see what all the fuss was about.

Voglees was actually very nice though i guess we'll see when the suits we actually ended up ordering (embarrassment) come though. Dammit. And there I was trying to believe that everyone was fundamentally nice but that proves just how wrong you can be1

Read the story below and then compare it to this blog and this blog! So...what happened to us...

Saturday we went to the geniously-lablled Oh My Cod for breakfast. Awesome sign in there about the bum-gun which is now with us in Chiang Mai haha! Good work Anne. Went for suit fitting (it wasn't an empty building when we god there thankfully) and then headed down on the boat to the Grand Temple/Palace whatever. Whichever it was we didn't make it though - d'oh! Instead we ended up in Wat Pho with the reclining buddha and a whole load of very ornate spires. Very beautiful unlike most of Bangkok. It also had a load of engravings showing the pressure points for massage. It also had "Farang Guards"...ie westernsrs. Apparently we have oversized noses and just generally ugly features!

Martin and the gals went back after this but I headed on a wee walking tour to Chinatown and the area. It was completely rammed and generally full of smog and very sweaty but worth going to see. I didn't really account for just how long it takes to walk back along streets full of markets though so it was pretty damned dark by the time I reached Soi Rambuttri. On the totally awesome side I did get myself a marker pen for beer pimping for only 5 Baht and batteries for 25. Also saw how p[osh the Chinese theatre was...look like you get free food with the performace too which would officially make it the theatre of dreams! When I finally got back we had some banana and chocolate pancakes for dinner along with some dirt-cheap 50 Baht big beers. Great. Not bad when they are only 13 Baht cheaper in the shops round here!!

It was pretty late by the time we got up the day after so I hit the National Museum for a couple of hours and barely made any progress due to excessive plaque-reading! Got kicked out at 4 and went for a vaguely routed wander and came across Wat Ratchanda with hundreds of little meditiation chambers. I'll post a photo about it soon. Then I made it up to the Golden Horse...but couldn't figure out if I'd got the wrong stairway to get inside or something so went for a wee off-piste ramble. Didn't get me very far except looking stupid infront of a bunch of monks and trying to explain why I was trampling their garden!

Headed for some Thai Boxing that night which was great. Tho for some reason they insist on playing jingle-jangle music whilst its going on. Surely it should be Eye of the Tiger or something equally get-up-and-go and fighty??! They definitely didn't use elbows enough and only very rarely held the legs when the came round for kicks...so all in all a few too many hugs and knees to the ribs which must of hurt!! Shame they weren't allowed to throw each other to the floor by the head as that'd have made it a bit mre interesting! There were definitely some better fighters though who had a few more techniques to their name bu I don't think it was as good as the wrestling in Mexico City which is an absolute must-see!! Very gymnastic!!

After a massive English breakfast plus fruit, the day after Martin and I actually made it to the Grand Palace! Was amazing and very intricate. The Wat was definitely the best and most impressive bit. Hard to believe you can construct a building purely from Ferrero Rochays. Whilst we were by it some random Chinese girls decided they needed a photo with us - the most handsome westerners in Bangkok! Kind of a bit weird that we were on show rather than the temple!!

Next we thought it'd be great idea to dash down the river on the tourist boat and see what was going on at the posh hotels. Well...more speicifcally their pool! The two of us broke right on in there and chilled out on the poolside of a five star hotel...will find out the name later! Shame we didn't have any swimmers else we'd have gone in. It's developed into the challenge for the holiday now - see how much freeloading we can do from posh hotels! We tried to get into the Oriental afterwards but got turned away cos apparently you need long trousers on in there - nutters! Do they not understand just how hot it is??!

That evening we got some crazy taxi driver (much cheaper than Tuk-Tuks - cheers Ed) to take us to the station and caught the night train to Chiang Mai. Rather on the noisy side and the toilets were particularly digusting. I suppose if you're sitting on it it might be nice t have the airflow from just below the train drying things off from the sweaty heat! Fortunately I could get away with just standing!